


The Slap

by hannibal_rises



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Hipster!Bilbo, How They Met, M/M, Punk!Thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:53:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannibal_rises/pseuds/hannibal_rises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the kiss video came out, they knew they had to make a parody. So came about The Slap video, and the beginnings of a relationship between Bilbo Baggins and Thorin Oakenshield.</p><p>Inspired by the video The Slap. It can be found on youtube</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Slap

It all started when that stupid kiss video came out. Legolas had insisted they do this, after all it was a funny idea to get out some of the frustration and one hell of a video. It was through Bilbo's friend Ori that they managed to get everyone together for the video, and before they knew it, they had the space, and the cameras, and enough beer to let forty college students get wrecked.

“Everything that happens on camera is between you two. We won't make any prompting, just let yourselves enjoy it and have a beer after, alright?” Bilbo said to Tauriel and one of Ori's friends Dis, who laughed and nodded.

The two women were like complete opposites, Tauriel's ginger hair falling down to the hem of her high wasted shorts, floral shirt tucked into the front of the shorts, a smile on her pink lips that admittedly mirrored Dis'. She was shorter, built a bit wider and her thick dark hair was shaved in a line above her left ear, dark makeup matching her dark clothes. “So... how are we going to go about this?” Dis asked with a smile. “You want to go first?”

Tauriel shrugged and laughed slightly. “Uh... sure. Just let me take my rings off.” She said, sliding the rings off her finger, Dis mirroring the action before cracking her neck and smiling. Tauriel smiled and nodded. “Let's do this.” She pulled her hand back and collided it with Dis' cheek with a loud slap. Dis' head snapped around and she laughed, rubbing her cheek.

Tauriel bent over laughing, holding her stinging hand. “Christ! Oh god, are you okay?” She asked laughing. Dis laughed and nodded before slapping Tauriel in return, the taller woman cupping her face and laughing loudly. “Shit I need a beer, you want a beer?” She said, watching as Dis nodded and grinned.

“Shit, this is great.”

 

Bilbo was running the cameras most of the time, running between rooms where various people were slapping each other and laughing, a beer in his hand at all times by this point. His black beanie muffling the wild curls that he didn't have the chance to tame that morning, too large sweater sliding over his shoulders as he raised his beer to his lips. “Hey Bilbo, you up for this?” He heard Legolas' voice, turning to him with a raised brow. “We have someone without a partner, you up for this?”  
“Hell yes.” He said, putting his beer down. “Is this room free?”

It was only about two minutes until Bilbo was face to face with a tall man who had a black beard and long dark hair that was tied up in a pony tail. “Hi, I'm Bilbo.” Bilbo said, offering his hand to The man who took it and shook.

“Thorin.” Bilbo couldn't help but laugh and jump around slightly, making Thorin raise an eyebrow.

“I'm sorry I've been drinking since like, eleven and I'm just really excited to his someone.” He admitted with a laugh, and considering it was two, his reaction was relatively understandable.

“Have you ever been hit before?” Thorin asked, sliding his hands into his pockets.

Bilbo nodded, fidgiting on his feet. “A couple times, you?” Thorin simply nodded. “You go first.” Bilbo offered, smiling. Thorin simply shrugged before slapping Bilbo across the face, the man's beanie flying off his head and landing on the ground, Bilbo cupping his cheek and laughing.

Thorin blinked a few times at Bilbo and went up to him. “Shit dude, are you okay?” He asked, managing to laugh at the fact he just slapped a complete stranger for no other reason than a video so hard that his hat fell off. The last thing he expected though, was the force of the slap that he abruptly received, his head snapping to he side and cheek burning. Bilbo bent over laughing, tears forming in his eyes.

Thorin watched as Bilbo walked over to a table to grab two beers, handing one to Thorin and taking a drink. “Want to do it again?” He asked, watching as Thorin laughed. “Come on, let's do it agai-” Bilbo's sentence was interrupted with yet another hit to his face, and soon the slaps were much lighter and being exchanged between both of them at a spit fire rate, until Bilbo make a point to splash some of his beer on Thorin, who roared out a laugh, splashing some back before Bilbo slapped him again. “Shit your cheek is so red.” He said, cupping Thorin's cheek and giggling. “Your beard probably scratched up my palm too, remind me to not slap you when angry.”

Thorin only laughed and nodded, looking over Bilbo's face, which was also red if not slightly swollen on his cheek. Thorin's line of thought was interrupted by another slap and Bilbo's laughter. “Ow.” Thorin said teasingly. In all honesty, if he had ever met Bilbo in any other way, the pair would likely have never spoken.

“Oh god, I'm sorry.” Bilbo said with a laugh, cupping Thorin's face, the cool bottle of bear pressing against his scruff as suddenly Bilbo kissed him. Thorin was stunned still until another soft tap of a slap his his face.

“Group slap time!” Came a voice Bilbo didn't recognize, but he grinned when he saw Tauriel and Beorn walking in with a short woman that Bilbo didn't know. He couldn't help but laugh at how the first thing the woman did was slap Thorin across the face, hard.

“I'll grab some more beer.” Bilbo said, laughing and walking toward the cooler, oblivious to Thorin's eyes trailing him.

 


	2. Behind The Slap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help but write a little post The Slap video moment. It's very short but y'know. Why not?

“Don't tELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!” Legolas' voice rang out through the loading area of the building they had videoed the Slap video in. The group laughed, a group of the two oddest mixtures of people sitting together and drinking and enjoying each other's company. Some in large sweaters and skinny jeans, others in black band shirts and bondage pants, all enjoying each other, all with at least one red cheek.

“I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!” Bilbo called out with a grin, continuing the silly song that everyone knew, after all, Wannabe just sort of... happened, and no one escaped it. The shorter man was lounging on the lap of a dark haired man with a grin and a beer.

“Don't tell me what you want, what you really, really want!” The dark haired man's sister Dis called out from where she sat, laughing and leaning against a ginger haired woman, both grinning.

“I'll tell you what I want what I really, really want!” Ori yelled, laughing and taking a drink.

“I wanna!” Bilbo yelled first. “wanna!” Ori. “I wanna” Dis “I wanna” Tauriel “I really, really, really wanna zigga zig ah!” Legolas finished, the whole group laughing, Bilbo curling inward as he laughed, leaning against Thorin, the pair sharing a look and smiling.

Bilbo removed the beanie from his head and put it atop Thorin's, the punk rolling his eyes but smiling, leaning up to kiss the shorter man, ignoring the groans from around them. “Get a room, boys.” Tauriel said with a laugh, shaking her head.

“How about a car?” Thorin asked, eyeing his car that was parked not too far away.

“Oh no, car sex is so uncomfortable, you always end up with a crick in your neck.” Bilbo complained, a few of the girls humming agreement with him. “Though I'm never apposed to giving road head.”

“Let's add that to the list of things I didn't need to know about my roomate.” Legolas said, shaking his head as Bilbo flipped him off and laughed.

“Who wants to get out of here, it's going to rain soon.” Ori said, leaning forward and looking over to Bofur who eyed the clouds and nodded.

“Come over to our place, someone should go on a beer run first.” Legolas said, standing. “We live close enough that we can all walk and not worry about drunk driving.”

“Shit, is our place clean enough?” Bilbo asked, thinking back to this morning when they had left.

Legolas hummed in thought. “Clean enough, we can get some of our equipment out of the main room and have room to drink and play cards against humanity.”

“Fuck yeah, I dominate at that game. Genetically engineered super soldiers!” Bofur said, shoving his fists in the air only to have Dis push him over with a laugh.

“Sounds alright with me, I'll send Bilbo on the beer run.” Tauriel said, nodding.

“No, bad idea, I've been drinking since this morning, I may drink responsibly but I've still been drinking since early.” Bilbo protest, looking the girl over.

Tauriel laughed and nodded. “Then take Thorin with you, he can drive and you can give road head.” She teased, watching as Bilbo blushed slightly and rolled his eyes. “Sound like a plan?”

“I'm cool with that.” Thorin said, looking to the smaller man in his lap. “Especially road head.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes again, face red. “Keep talking about it and no one's getting a blowjob tonight.”

 


End file.
